The Rust Diaries: Trust No One

Survival games are the new hotness on the PC space, and Rust is a shining example of why that is. Over the last two weeks, I’ve dived into Rust’s egregious world and have witnessed the evils of human nature. Things that players would never be able to accomplish in any other game. While games like Minecraft and DayZ started the trend, Rust raises the stakes significantly.

You’re lucky I have the nude command off.

All of the discussion of Rust on Rebel FM had me curious of what the game actually entailed. I located the server that the guys were playing on, and continued to die repeatedly. This was a learning experience, though, as the game has no tutorial, leaving you to learn the mechanics through experimentation, and the occasional helpful chat.

My “hobo shack.”

I came across a select few of the Rebel FM guys by following them around. They proceeded to show me the ropes and let me tag along on their raid. A raid is an act of entering another player’s house and looting everything in sight. The RF guys were experienced in doing this, and in turn, it helped me understand the contrast that was involved in how a raid is operated. Unfortunately, while raiding a house, a zombie took me by surprise, killing me in the process. Once you’re killed in Rust, it’s over. Experienced players know to craft and place a sleeping bag before you die. I had no prior knowledge of this.

Raidin’

So after my forsaken death, I wandered around the map hopelessly lost.The posse I was previously rolling with had vanished. Because Rust contains no map, players must memorize landmarks, use compass points and fan made maps pinpoint around the island. Frustrated, I went to bed in need of some sleep and sanity.

Home base.

The next day seemed to be going much better as I found the base of my allies. They graciously continued to assist me in getting a grasp on the world of Rust. I was perhaps too trusting in one of the allies as he forced me to become a “slave.” I barely escaped and ran into the mountains, in hopes of hiding from hostile players. I found a secluded area and undertook the means of concealing my body.

Survived another day.

I had acquired several valuable pieces of equipment and didn’t want to lose them. Embarrassingly, I fell to my death while climbing around some rocks, losing everything. Just another learning experience in how the fall damage operates in Rust. I then wandered without anything of value, while trying to relocate the allies that I had made before. This is where I came across the Crafting Center.

(To be continued…)

“Coming out of my shell”

Throughout High School, I was “the kid who never talks.” People would always ask,“Why are you so quiet?” or, “How come you never talk?” I always blamed my shyness on being homeschooled, and from that, I looked at myself as anti-social.

I ate my meals alone while attending my first year of college. I liked it that way.  I always preferred to listen to my music or a favorite podcast. I felt that I had nothing interesting to say and that my interests were unexciting to others. Most guys my age like sports, partying and socializing while I would rather stay home and find other ways to entertain myself.

The term “Introvert” is defined as: “a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings.” Doing some Googling on the term, I quickly realized that all of the traits matched my personality. I found this to be a relief, as all of my life, I found myself to be socially awkward, and hard to converse within in a group of people. I have an identity.

-You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

Absolutely. As a person who works in retail, this is the hardest part of my job. I’m constantly afraid that I am going to bother someone, or that I will fumble my words and sound like a complete fool. The only way to meet new people is to partake in small talk with the individual. The only way I’m able to make friends, is if the person comes to me. The thought of trying to make small conversation with someone who I am unfamiliar with is terrifying to me.

-You feel often feel alone in a crowd.

All the time. Unless I’m with an individual that I know, I would just rather stay away from the crowd altogether. I always find it easier to talk to one or a couple different people.

-Networking makes you feel phony.

I recently had a job interview with three different people shooting off questions. I desired the position enough to get past my awkwardness, and did my best to impress them. I had to act like a “go-getter” to get the job. So in that case, I did feel phony. Writing a professional email, however, feels authentic. I can be competent in expressing the way I am in my writing.

-You’re easily distracted.

The most frustrating part of being an introvert. The existence of the internet doesn’t help either. Trying to decide what to do can also being annoying. I’ll decide that I have some free time, and start playing a game. After five minutes, I’ll turn it off. There’s always something more pressing to attend to. Well, at least, I think there is.

-Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.

Doing something calm and rewarding makes me feel accomplished.  As insignificant as finishing a season of a show on Netflix, or making a dent in a sizable book. That’s partially why I enjoy games so much. You get a great sense of achievement while savoring the experience that you’re partaking in.

-You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.

Usually after work, I zone out by myself. Whether it’s ten minutes or the rest of the evening, I always feel refreshed when I isolate myself for an extent of time. Social interactions tire me out, and disconnecting from the world helps me recharge.

-You screen all your calls — even from friends.

I can’t stand talking on the phone. I would much rather talk face-to-face or over text. Most of the time I let the call go to voice, especially when it’s a number I don’t recognize. When I do call back, I have the opportunity to presume what the conversation is going to entail.

-You have a constantly running inner monolog.

Having a monolog with myself helps me make decisions while also thinking things through. While working, I would construct sentences in my head that I would use later on.  It also helps me think better in general. This is also why at times having conversations can be difficult for me to have. I need to think things through. Unless I’m completely open and comfortable around the person.

-You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.

I’ve always felt that I was much more mature than my peers throughout my childhood. I’ve always analyzed every small element and try to understand it before blatantly making a comment.

-You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”

This phrase has been uttered to me multiple times by people I’ve met. Before I discovered that I was an introvert, I took my peers advice and attempted to speak more, and try to make conversation.

-You’re a writer.

Trying to be. Writing gives me a way to express my opinions and views without speaking a single word. This gives me the ability the craft what I want to say while not sounding like a bumbling fool.

-You alternate between phases of work and solitude and periods of social activity.

The social activity is certainly the smallest phase. But I certainly don’t isolate myself at all times. I still interact with people no matter how introverted I am.

Finding out that I’m an introvert has given me something to identify myself by. I know why I am this way. The feeling of not being the only one that feels this way is also relieving. It gives me a sense of being “normal.” I can spend time by myself without feeling like a loner who should feel ashamed.

 (Link)

Hi.

Things are changing rapidly this year. Perhaps too rapidly.

I acquired another job over the summer, and then another in September. I was told with this new job that it would be “part time”. I was excited by this, as I had been at the same job for five years and it wasn’t really going anywhere. Ecstatic at the thought of a new job, I spoke to the higher ups about my new opportunity, and they understood why I was leaving. Strangely, though, they requested that I continue to be an employee at said location despite the constant headbutting that occurred between me and the store director. Regardless of all of this, I still left hoping that this new job would support me financially. I decided to work on Sunday’s at another branch of the company about fifteen minutes away. The manager at this store respected me and treated me as if I knew what I was doing.

Alright, so now that I have Sunday covered, I could work at the job that I had obtained over the summer on Mondays-Tuesdays. False. The more that I worked at this job, the fewer hours I was gathering. So bad in fact, that last week I didn’t work at all. For months, I would constantly calculate how many hours I would need to manage all of my bills. After a month of not working a single hour my new “part time” job, I knew that there was no chance of moving out this year. I received a phone call a couple weeks ago about another job I had applied for weeks ago. I returned the call only to leave a message and not hear anything back.

Because of the work slowdown, I have been hard at work on tightening up my writing skills. Today, I ordered three books that are focused on writing. Most of this writing momentum comes from the recent Joystiq position that was posted a couple weeks prior. I applied two years ago, not really taking it seriously, but still thought I should apply nonetheless. The position is a Community Manager/News Writer. The odd’s of getting this job are in the one-percentile if that. It is helpful to create a resume that focuses on the writing side of things. After all, I only started publicly posting on Ordinary Gamer at the beginning of the year. (January 1st)

Ordinary Gamer is also going through some changes as well (can’t be said here just yet). I think the only way I’m going to get very far with this “career” is if I harass other journalists by asking for a chance to publish something that I’ve written. I have experience, I just feel that I still have a lot to learn. I screwed myself by not taking college seriously, and I still regret not pushing myself more. Now that it’s been about three years, I have a desire to learn more about the English language. I want to learn. I want to become the best writer I can be. The new semester starts in January.

Another hurdle that I’ve had to deal with this year is the return of my ingrown toenail. In February, I had my entire right big toenail ripped off. Then over the Summer, it started to grow back. Somehow, (and I still don’t know how) it became inflamed again. The only way I’m going to fix it, this time, is to drink enough beers to numb the pain, the dig the nail out. I tried this last month, (I drank four beers) and it worked momentarily. I bought some more tools on Amazon that might make the process easier. Something that is helping, though, is only wearing my slip-on Vans. The pressure that my normal work shoes put on my swollen toe is excruciating. Thank God that none of the higher-ups at my job haven’t noticed my non-lace shoes.

I’m starting recognize most of the songs that play at all of the Starbucks locations around me. That’s how much time I’ve been spending at the coffee shops lately. The Internet has been absent in the house that I live in. Two months next week. I use the internet for everything. music, tv/movies, games, reading, socialization. I don’t watch cable tv. I don’t listen to the radio.(WHY DO PEOPLE STILL LISTEN TO THE RADIO) I’m behind on what music has been coming out. I’ve only been playing 3DS games (I normally download games on Steam). I use the shotty 3G connection to read and communicate on my iPhone. I’ve been relying on this 3G connection so much that I went over 6GB last month, and of course, the phone bill is crazy high. To counter this, I drive to the closest Starbucks, get a cheap coffee or tea, and sit with my Macbook for hours, trying to catch up and download as much as I can. Before I go in, I’ll eat something cheap and use the bathroom before I sit down. I really don’t like leaving my laptop out in the open, but after drinking a 16 oz earl grey tea, you’re gonna have to use the bathroom sooner or later. I can only imagine what the employees are thinking: “Oh, this guy again”. Sometimes I’ll drive to a further Starbucks just to not look like a weirdo.

Even though life seems rough right now, I’m thankful for what I have. Things could always be much worse. All I can do is focus on my current goals, and hope for the best. This whole writing thing is what I want to do. I know I can reach my goals if as long as I keep at it.

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